Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
