hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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