Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
