Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
