So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
