dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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