everyone is single if you try hard enough
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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