My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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