I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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