Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
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holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
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That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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