How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
