I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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