i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
