I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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