**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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