If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
