Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
