It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
