True but thats because hes a fetus.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
