in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
My vagina just recognized that song.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
