i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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