then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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