what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
