Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
