I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Randomize
