Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
