I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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