Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
