could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
