Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
