today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
