We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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