things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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