we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
