why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
