We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
