He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
