you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
