K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
