I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
