But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
