i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
