why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize