it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
