dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
