we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
