If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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