I wish I could teleport
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
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