If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
