your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
