if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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