well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Randomize
