Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
