just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
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I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
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I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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