I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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