do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Congratulations! We have a period
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