im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
