If that was your dad, he is hot
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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