He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Randomize
