a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
