Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
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