dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
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I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
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I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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