Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
