I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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