I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
