He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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