he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize