man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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