i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
