I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
it glows. i had to have it.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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