I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
It was confusing and full of hummus
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
