U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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