is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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