So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
