it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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