woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
