You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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