he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
