He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
