My nipple is on Facebook.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
