she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
