it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Randomize
