his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
