only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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