I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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