Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
