so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Randomize
