It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
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Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
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An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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